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February 1st, 2013

Tender and Rare

Hey! Do you like barfing? Well, I hope so, because today’s post might make you do exactly that!

Don’t be scared. Barfing is part of science. And science is made up of facts.

Fact #1: Sometimes when you are watching Bob’s Burgers in your pajamas, you need to write an important email to your friend, describing the worst bathroom you have ever been inside of. The ideal time to do this is during commercials.

Fact #2: Commercials are loud, which can shatter your concentration. Especially when you are trying to concentrate on finding the best descriptive words for urine odors. (You really can only use “oppressive pee pee smell” so many times before you begin to sound amateurish.)

Fact #3: The best way to remedy the concentration issue is to pause the commercial without looking up.

Fact #4: Sometimes, because you weren’t paying attention to what the commercial was for, and because of poor timing, you wind up with a still frame that looks like this:



My first reaction was to immediately clench my jaw to stave off a gag, because I thought I was looking at an extreme close up of a very old, rotting steak. Then I recognized the gold chain and what I think is an elbow, and understood that it was a trailer for that new movie, Bullet to the Head. What we have here is simply the upper torso of Sylvester Stallone, mid-pummel!

Then I clenched my jaw again, because I realized that meant that I was looking at an extreme close up of a very old, rotting steak.

Sorry, everybody.

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