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December 13th, 2011

Christmas Joys

There is nothing I love more than giving gifts on Christmas. Apparently this holiday has a few religious aspects to it (something about an infant and a super nova?) but for me it’s all about watching your parents open up lavish gifts you spent your rent money on. This year, the holidays have snuck up on me and, since I don’t have time to park at the mall, let alone shop in it, I have been trolling the internet for Yuletide Bounty. This has led to even greater discoveries.

Discoveries such as the name of this shoe:

Lady Warmth

I know a couple of dudes who have “Lady Warmth” on their Christmas lists every single year. I didn’t know Converse sold it for 77 bucks!

I mean, really. WHO would NAME a product LADY WARMTH? If your mind doesn’t go directly to the gutter, it certainly goes to the scene in The Empire Strikes Back where Han Solo guts a Tauntaun to keep Luke warm on the frozen planet of Hoth. No? It doesn’t do that? Okay, fine.

Then I guess we’ll move on to this little gem:

Creepy Lions Guy

“Hello. I am Greg-5, the Detroit Lions Intergalactic Ambassador. Please, won’t you sit down and have a deviled egg?”

It’s important to note that, in order to get this picture, there was a photo shoot, during which dozens and dozen of photos were taken.


This was the photograph that they all saw and went, “Yep. That’s the one. That’s the one that’s going to move product.”

Look. I don’t know much about sports, so maybe I’m way out of line, but how is this photograph going to get you to buy… whatever the hell they are selling here? It’s either a Detroit Lions snuggie, or a pillow. Or that man. Personally, I feel inspired to purchase a security system, but then I’ve never been much of a football fan.

Finally, and this is my personal favorite, there was this:

Michigan for $9

Yes! You heard right! December is 19th Century US Land Deal History Month and to celebrate, this website is selling the entire state of Michigan for NINE DOLLARS. This is a bargain if ever I’ve seen one.

But act now! Because I’ve heard supplies of Michigans are very low this year.

Happy Shopping friends. May your days be filled with low prices and hilarious typos.

Santa Clause I Coming

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