My name is Liz. I need direction. I overuse commas, my house is a mess, my hair needs a trim and I have no marketable skills: It's fun here, you'll see!

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November 23rd, 2011

Thanksgiving Is Nigh…

… begin weeping.

As some of you maybe remember, last year’s Thanksgiving didn’t go so well. I locked my raw turkey in the oven and then launched a full scale, Lifetime Original Movie-style freakout at every appliance in my house.

But this year is going to be better! I’m going to follow all of my borderline psychotic lists to the SECOND, and everything is going to be on the table in a timely fashion. AND BY GOD EVERYONE WILL BE SMILING. Nothing can harm me this year.

Or so I thought.

Last night when I arrived home, there was an inch of… “waste matter” sitting in the bottom of the downstairs shower. Also, the toilet was full of water, which was BUBBLING. Like a swamp in one of those Neverending Story movies. To make things extra super, I had 90 minutes until Paul’s brother arrived for the week.

This story turns out fine. Jose from the 24-hour plumbers, who is my new hero, got all his tools out and rescued my apartment. The HOA is going to pay for everything. And I got it all cleaned up before Paul and his brother got home.

But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little shaken. I mean, last year’s Thanksgiving started out with a simple broken dishwasher and turned into a screaming match between me and GE’s entire catalog. This year’s has begun with a whole bunch of scat. Call me crazy, but I feel like poop is worse than a broken dishwasher. So, what is going to happen this year? For some reason, all I can think of is a horde of assorted snakes falling through the roof of my apartment right as I’m taking the pie out of the oven.

I guess the point I am trying to make is: Please send good vibes my way. If you’re into voodoo, get out the chicken blood and rat heads. I need all the good luck I can get this year.

3 comments to Thanksgiving Is Nigh…

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