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October 17th, 2011

Fruit Rats

As a person who lives in a multi-family dwelling, I’m no stranger to the strongly-worded laundry room note. In apartment buildings, there is always someone who wants to announce their discontent with a written statement. Those people are always 100% MORE unnecessarily upset than someone who expresses themselves in person, which means I find them 100% more hilarious. I am sorry, but if you’re going to leave a note in ALL CAPS with 86 exclamation points about cleaning the lint trap, I’m going to laugh at you.

It’s a rare treat when you find a note that is neither angry nor rude, but somehow still hilarious. Those notes almost always fall under the “insane” category. Case in point:

Fruit Rats Edit


Okay, first, let’s clear this up: Paul checked. “Fruit Rats” are an actual thing, even though their name would suggest that they are nothing more than a leftover figment from Number Six’s lysergic acid days. I have met Number Six, and she strikes me as the kind of person who may have dropped a bunch of acid and invented new kinds of rats, so you can understand why I didn’t believe her at first.

I think she is an English teacher, which explains her fabulous word choice. The use of the word “invaded” makes me think of a bunch of Acid Rats riding on vehicles made of fruit, advancing toward our complex, brandishing tiny weapons. However, the syntax is unclear. Who is Number Six addressing? There isn’t a manager at our building, really, and the note doesn’t specify what kind of help. It’s just a plea for general assistance, and then a story about a rodent problem.

And then there is the issue of proof. How does she know the sound she’s hearing in her walls (unconfirmed) isn’t some other kind of rat? Or the guy I keep in the closet under my stairs scratching tally marks into the plaster? Answer: She doesn’t. So don’t everyone freak out.

Still, just to be on the safe side, I’m going to get rid of all the fruit in my apartment, and just eat chocolate and bacon.

3 comments to Fruit Rats

  • Rat Princess

    Hah! Thanks for that. You know I love a rat story.

  • Norm

    Tell #6 to call the landlord and have an exterminator check it out. If it’s not an hallucination it is probably mice or Norwegian (brown) rats. Unchecked they will spread through the whole building.

    On the off chance it is a fruit rat they are real trouble. One of them got into my garage years ago and did well over $1,000 in damage. They chew into everything. I tried traps with peanut butter which works great on mice and brown rats, but fruit rats won’t touch it.

    There was no fruit in the garage, but he tasted everything in there looking for food.

    I finally had to resort to poison and didn’t find him until his rotting corpse began to really stink up the whole garage. It was a 4 car garage and I had to empty almost all of it before I found the carcass.

    Before you dismiss #6 look up “Hantavirus”. It’s why I bought a high quality respiratory facemask before I swept up and washed out the empty garage.

    Hey! wasn’t that a funny comment!x86

  • Gene Taylor

    My Aunt’s house in Pico Rivera was invaded by fruit rats @1972. They are the size of cats and do not walk softly.

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