I have recently returned from a trip to Seattle to visit family. I go every year around the same time and stay in the same hotel, which I love. It’s cozy, small, and has free Wi-Fi! And sometimes you luck out and the view from your room looks out over some of the University buildings and gorgeous Seattle sky.

But sometimes, your room faces the back, into an alley. And this is your view:

Hooray! It’s the Balcony Buddies, Roberta and Sammy, taking a smoke break after a long day of Elimi-Date re-runs!

Interested in what they’re looking at? Don’t be. It’s a rusted out Nissan Navara and some used-up 40-ounce bottles of Miller High Life.

Plus, my superior detective skills tell me that it’s very likely they’re stealing cable.

“Roberta, darling, why don’t we go to the theatre tonight?” ::BELCH::

And if that’s not bad enough, get this:

Okay, so like, you know Christmas morning? How you wake up and peek at the living room? And you get really excited because there are all these presents all over the place and one of them is probably the pneumatic staple gun you’ve been wanting?

Well, change “Christmas morning” to “Thursday, June 30th,” and change “living room” to “roof next door.”

And change “pneumatic staple gun” to “bags of dog poop,” also.

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