In honor of the new month, I thought it would be nice to take a look at what the kids in the Anne Arundel County public school system in Maryland will be eating for the next few weeks. Now keep in mind, the Anne Arundel County public school system cares deeply about the well being of their children, and wish to provide them with a healthy, tasty and affordable meal option each day. Let’s take a look:

Bravo, first off. In addition to such classics as “Crispy Chicken on Roll” and “Macaroni & Cheese,” they have also decided to branch out into more adventurous flavors like “BBQ Pork Sub” and “Fish Nuggets.” The nuggets of the fish are some of the most tender bits!

Look, we all know that I could go on and on about the questionable concept of a Pizza Burrito served with “California Blend,”  or about their decision to include “roast turkey with gravy” and “corn dog,” two foods that fit snugly into the “brown” category, in their “Tasting of the Rainbow” theme.

But I’m not going to do that. Because there are much more important things to discuss.

Things like, for instance, WHAT IN THE HELL IS A CHEESE FISH?

Kids, I’m no expert, but I’d recommend getting to the cafeteria early, before they run out of pizza. Otherwise, just enjoy your side dishes.

And speaking of that, the folks of Anne Arundel County are fiber crazy! Check out those sides!

These people are hellbent on having their children pooping uncontrollably! Broccoli AND cold veggies AND salad. Fresh fruit AND peaches. And, with the cheese fish sandwiches, they’ve got mixed vegetables, cold vegetables, salad, fresh AND mixed fruit, and vegetarian beans.

As opposed to meat-beans?

I don’t understand.

Oh, and in case you didn’t notice, they also serve breakfast for the kids who are up with the dawn!

Standard breakfast fare, except for THE ULTIMATE BREAKFAST ROUND, which they do not explain further. Can we all agree that it’s an English muffin with a lot of cream chipped beef, some bacon, a whole turkey leg, salsa, sour cream, cheddar cheese, and beluga caviar on it? Because I don’t know what else “ultimate” could mean.

Let’s talk graphics for a moment, shall we? Above is their logo, the first thing that people see when they look at this menu. It’s what they want everyone to know about their meal program. What I’m getting from that is “If a hyper-stimulated robot eats mighty meals, it will shit out minds.” Right? That’s what they’re saying with this?

It could be, because this is the group that came up with the idea to have a school meals mascot! His/Her/It’s name is SNAPPY!

It is a crab! (?)

Snappy is fully of useful and fun information like how to continue preventing your offspring from starving during the school year.

Snappy is also frightening as all hell.

Happy April, Everyone!

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