PAUL, a do-gooder.
FORTINBRAS ME, a freaked-out animal lover.
The Scene: Mid-day on a Saturday. Paul and I were sitting in the car. Paul was dialing the Humane Society and I was listening in, wringing my hands with anxiety.
———
Humane Society Lady: Hello?
Me (quietly): Oh God. Something’s going to eat him. He’s going to die.
Paul: Hi. We’re calling about a, um, rabbit, that’s just wandering around on the street here.
Me (very quietly, into my hands): Cars! A CAR WILL HIT HIM.
Humane Society Lady: Uh huh… What color is it?
Me (loud whisper): Tell her it’s all white.
Paul looked at me like I was an idiot. Because, I mean, I pretty much was being one.
Paul: It’s all white.
Humane Society Lady: Well, if it’s all white, then it’s probably someone’s pet.
Me (while inhaling): He can’t defend himself!
Paul: Okay… so what do we do?
Humane Society: Well there’s really nothing… wait, are you by the gym?
Paul: Yes.
Me: YES!
Humane Society: Oh! He just hangs out there. He’s been there for years. But thank you for calling!
SURPRISE!!!
We have a Neighborhood Pet!
“It’s all white, it’s all white…”
I love how the bunny is literally hanging out behind and around car tires. He’s like taunting you with his near-deathness.
PS some people find bunnies freakish and scary.
Liz Quiz:
Some years ago a car was spotted in a Manhattan Beach parking lot. It had the following license plate:
FDURHD
What kind of car was it and what color was it?