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July 14th, 2010

The New Bathrooms

You remember my review the bathrooms at work a couple of months ago? Well, now that we’ve been picked up, we’ve moved into fancy new offices, which mean new bathrooms to review. And boy, do I have a LOT to say about these ones. This time, though, I am going to be positive, because I realize that I do complain a lot. So here you go, my happy review of the shiny new bathrooms:

There are three single-stall bathrooms in the hallway. This is great, because the entire building is made of balsa wood, and without the usual bonus bathroom foyer that multi-stall potties have, no sounds are left to the imagination. Though the doors are securely bolted, there is something about the hallway of bathroom “suites” that makes it feel as though one is peeing in someone else’s office. It’s hard to describe, but it’s terrific!

The first “pee pee suite” is the smallest of the three and features a small corner into which the designer has crammed both the trash receptacle AND the toilet. This offers the seated user a nice view of the wastebasket. Additionally, someone shrewdly placed the flush handle pointing at the wall, providing the would-be flusher with a fun Brain Challenge: “How will I flush the toilet with my foot without falling into the bowl, or with my hand, without getting a face full of splash back?” After you realize there is no correct answer, you are treated to the loudest freaking toilet flush you’ve ever heard. Really, it’s a great way to wake yourself up.

Then there’s bathroom two. If you like a gaping hole in the ceiling large enough to fit a peeping Tom’s head directly over where you are relieving yourself, this is the place for you! And, as we always strive for energy efficiency, the automatic light won’t turn on unless you really, really move around a lot. Plus, sometimes it just turns off whenever it feels like it, leaving you in calming, quiet darkness. This is also a good mental exercise: did you pay attention to where the sink and paper towels are? Can you find the door handle? Can you correctly identify that moisture? How about that moisture? Personally, I love this bathroom because you have to flush it at least three times to get it to work, which is a great quad workout.

And finally, Can Three. This suite boasts a super creaky door, which plays off the paper thin walls, allowing you to enter the restroom AND announce to the entire office that you’re taking a leak, all in one easy step! I don’t know about you, but I love it when everyone knows that I’ve had too much iced tea. Additionally, as a nice daily gift, one of my coworkers enjoys leaving their pee in and around the toilet bowl. It’s very freeing to work with people who don’t feel they need to observe basic social customs, like hygiene and consideration for other people.

So come on down! Pee in (and on) our toilets! I guarantee you’ll be a changed person afterward.

See? Much more positive!

1 comment to The New Bathrooms

  • Chris Bulock

    When Sarah and I took a road trip recently, we stopped at a “pioneer village” sort of place. Apparently, the women’s restroom featured not-entirely-solid floors and a toilet that was not actually secured to the ground or wall.

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