Below is my review of the bathrooms at my place of work:

I’d like to start by discussing the symbols for the Men’s and Woman’s rooms. They confuse me. I’m never sure which door I should be going into. Probably because I’ve never met anyone, man or woman, who dresses like these little figures.

See, I don’t wear anything remotely similar to this at work. A sensible a skirt suit and an awful church hat? Um, I’m wearing a Star Wars t-shirt– am I allowed to urinate in this room?

And this seems to say “Restrooms Are for John Steed ONLY.”

Also (and this in no way happened to me the other day) the coloring and posture of these little Toilet People are identical, making it difficult for a tired, hard-working television assistant who has worked 18 of the last 20 days to tell them apart. It could cause some serious, work-related embarrassment. Not that I would know. I’ve never, ever walked in on half the grip department taking a leak. But I imagine, given these poorly-crafted signs, that it could happen. Right?

Additionally, I think the woman’s restroom here is haunted. Here’s why:

The water in our sink never warms up. Also despite having two dispensers, there is never any soap!

There’s this mysterious hole in the ceiling, obviously caused by something dark and supernatural.

And also, sometimes, “things,”  terrible, terrible things, just show up in the toilet. That’s nothing short of the Devil’s work, I say.

And that’s all I have to say on the subject of bathrooms. … For now.

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