Now that my job is winding down, I’m able to spend some more time at the apartment, and I’m noticing some things. Dust collects even when you’re not watching. If you don’t leave them near a window, some house plants will die. The wastebasket doesn’t empty itself. Birds build nests in the eaves.

This last observation is the most recent. Many people would be excited by the pleasant springtime-y-ness of the idea, but I am not one of these people. Are you aware of the number of mites and things that live on a bird? Do you know how small they are? Do you recognize that this means they can slink into your home, even if the windows and doors are closed? Do you realize I feel itchy just thinking about it?

Also, though- and this is the really important part- birds are loud. Hungry baby birds are even louder. And, as luck would have it, an avian family has selected the area directly outside of my bedroom window for its new home. Normally, I can sleep through a nuclear war. But there’s something about the song of a mite-infested sparrow that worms its way into my head and makes it impossible even to stay still.

Usually, the drill is that the birds will start bringing in some sticks and we’ll knock them down, before it gets too permanent. (We tell them it was the wind.) Unfortunately, the little bastards have become faster and have constructed an entire compound in just one afternoon. It’s too late. My conscious will not allow me to take the broom to a completed nest that probably contains eggs. So, I’ll be up at dawn for the next two months.

Can I stay at your house?

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