I had a terrific dinner last night. It consisted of a nice piece of fish, cooked to perfection, and then afterward a little bit of chocolate mousse. Oh, it was glorious. So glorious, in fact, that I began to try to think of ways to combine the two elements into one mouth-watering dish. You know, for those times when you’re too busy for a sit down dinner with multiple courses.

Then I found this (categorized as a SALAD, no less):

Perfect! Moussed fish! But of course! Grab some full-fat dairy products, and, as the card below says “fold in fish.”

Aside from “fold in fish,” another sentence I find particularly unappealing in this recipe is: “Pour into an oiled fish mold.” The last three words in that sentence aren’t even palatable by themselves, let alone all strung together into a verbal emetic.

And let’s talk “Suggested Menu” for a second, if we may. The designer of this menu sat down, looked over the ingredients and said “What goes well with be-creamed fish?” Then he bit his pencil for awhile. His roommate, Keith, happened by and said, “What about some kind of zesty sour cream thing?” (Keith is a very fat man. He blames his genetics, but he knows as well as anyone that it’s his own damn fault.) The Menu Designer, exhausted from a full day of taste-testing protein-based mousses, shrugged his shoulders and jotted down “Sour Cream-Horseradish Sauce.”

Right? That has to be what happened. And then adding BANANA CAKE on top of it all? Hell, all you need is one of those inflatable bounce-houses and you’re unintentionally bulimic.

Folks, Monty Python’s been warning you against seafood mousse since 1983. And now, I’m doing it as well.

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