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August 19th, 2009

Photography Lesson

If I were a teacher, my list of courses offered would probably look something like this: Yelling 301 • Advanced Placement Waffle-Eating • Just Wad It Into A Ball: Putting Clothes Away Efficiently • Topics in Belchery (Lab required).

What would not be on my list of courses offered would be photography. I own a point-and-shoot, I don’t really understand “apertures,” and, well, you saw the photo I took of Louis and me. Still, I can’t help myself, and tonight I will explain my favorite photography technique: Weird-ening.

Weird-ening is a simple effect that can be achieved quickly. All you need is a camera and a large graphic (photo, text, etc.) in need of a little weirdness. To start, here is a photo of the girl on the Mall Madness box (you remember that game, don’t you?):

Despite the obvious ineptitude of the photographer (told you), and the fact that the girl already looks a little wacky, this is a normal-ish photo taken at close range. To get it, I positioned my camera directly over the box without tilting it at all. It’s a stupid, dull photo, in dire need of some weird-ening. So, I moved the camera a few inches toward my body, and tilted it upwards at about a 50 or 60 degree angle. Check it out:

No, folks. This happy, mall-crazed tween isn’t on Prednisone to save her ailing kidneys! Her bulbous chin is a result of Weird-ening in action!

I’m happy to report that you can also do this with your television, and in fact, the results are much more dramatic. This time, for your normal photo, you will bend your knees and aim the camera head-on toward the screen. Then, to apply Weird-ening, simply straighten your legs, and aim the camera downward at the television, trying to keep only screen in frame. Let The Hoff show you the way:



I hope you’ve all learned this valuable lesson: Weird-ening is a simple, easy technique that is completely acceptable for all occasions. Oh, and I totally watched America’s Got Talent.

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