First of all, I spent a good chunk of the day at the Antelope Valley Hospital Emergency Room with Dr. Brown, a good family friend. I was checking out what goes on there all day long. This accounts for the time I spent in my car. It also explains the loogey, which was lovingly hawked by a patient. I’m pretty sure I’m not allowed to go into any detail about the case or the patient (because of, like, HIPAA or whatever) so let me put it this way- If I were to bring this patient home to meet my parents, my dad would take me into the backyard and hit me in the kidneys with a croquet mallet. It’s just how we Coles resolve things.
But enough about the hypothetical crumbling of my relationship with my father! You came here to read about airborne mucous! Well, maybe not, but you’re here now, so take a seat- I’m about to start my story!
The folks at the ER were all busily carrying out their duties: Distributing comfort and healing, taking temperatures, and removing lumps of impacted waste from people’s bowels. It was a merry time, to be sure, but it wasn’t to last. Without warning, there came a large amount of loud profanity from the direction of the ambulance bay. Because we were concerned, and not at all because we were simply interested in gawking, Dr. Brown and I stepped outside. The police had the fellow on the ground, and several nurses were attempting to treat him, a fact he was not at all happy about. He made his disapproval known by letting each of them know that they were involved in lewd acts with their own family members. Apparently he felt that we weren’t fully grasping his point, and so to drive it home, he launched a five-inch wad of lung butter up into the air. As it made it’s descent, I realized it was heading right for my face, and so I sidestepped, just in time to see it land moistly on the ground next to me. In all, it was a triumph for the human race.
But the day’s excitement was far from over. Come back to The Productive Cough on Monday to read about The Stakeout & The Party…
[…] Continued from Friday… […]