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April 15th, 2009

What Not To Do: Advice For Boys

Dear Menfolk:

You should never tell a girl you are trying woo that she is “like a disease.”

And also don’t tell her that she is like a disease and sleeping with her is the only cure.

This is not the way to get a girl to come over and take her clothes off because it happened to me and it made me want to put on eleven sweaters and leave the country.

The gentleman who delivered these poetic words is also responsible for telling me that he had zero interest in dating me- he just wanted to see what it would be like to hook up with me.

What could his reasoning have been? Certainly, honesty is an appreciated quality in a possible partner. And it is true that two people can agree beforehand that their hookup will be a one-time deal so that any inconvenient lingering emotional attachment has already been addressed. But this usually only happens after both parties have expressed interest in the situation. In my case, I had precisely no interest in this fellow- emotionally OR physically- and never led him to believe that. So where he got the go ahead to start hammering out one night stand details is still a mystery.

And even in the event that you both actually want to negotiate a purely physical stand-alone interaction, a girl still wants to feel like an attractive human being. She does not want to be grouped into the same category as Spinal Meningitis.

So please remember: Always be as tactful as possible. And if you want to know if what you feel like saying to a girl is tactful or not, please email me first.


(I mean it- email me with any and all girl-related questions. One of my purposes in life is to help you guys out.)

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