Don’t be alarmed…

…but I’m an excellent shot.

You see, yesterday was the annual ER Assistants’ Day. This is a day filled with wonder and mystery. A day greatly anticipated for three reasons:

1) Lunch

2) Not being at work

3) An unknown activity

Each year, we have no idea what we’re going to be doing until we arrive at the venue. Being a girl who grew up in Malibu, enjoying such activities as napping and eating frosting out of a can, imagine my surprise when I exited the van to see this:

Moments later, we were greeted by a grizzled man standing on a porch with a shotgun. Which I would have taken a photo of if I hadn’t been so busy wondering how it had only taken 40 minutes to get from Burbank to Montgomery, Alabama.

And so, I learned how to shoot a shotgun. From a man named Dan Reeves, 3-time captain of Team USA in world marksman competitions (forgive improper terminology). First, Dan scared the living hell out of us, saying, “These don’t put neat little holes in people, like you see in the movies. What this hits, it takes away.” He helpfully illustrated this by pressing a shotgun shell to his shoulder and then waving his hand around like mad behind him to simulate his arm being blown off. “What it hits, it takes away,” he added, smiling warmly. There were some vegetarians in our group- they don’t much cotton to stories about torn flesh. So, to calm us down he showed us all the different items involved in shooting. Here are the clay pigeons that we were about to blast the crap out of. (Also, there is a knife there. But, knives are not to have the crap blasted out of them- they are to be respected.)

Here are emptied shells. (Looks like someone really hates those discs)

Here is an old wad cup

Yes, that’s right. I said “wad cup.” Stop laughing, Beavis. It’s what holds the shot. AND WHATEVER THAT HITS, IT TAKES AWAY. So wipe that smile off your face and let me finish my story.

Dan broke us into groups. He took the guys. His associate Walter took the “ladies.” After a quick eye test, and some target practice on a big metal plate, we were off to shoot orange discs!

Why look! It’s David Malloy. And he’s got a gun!

I went first, completely and utterly confident that I would walk away without hands or eyes. But, Walter made me feel very much at ease. And I didn’t even feel the recoil because of my superior form! Look at me go!

I got yer overdue apology right here, pal. Kidding, friends! No rage here!

By the end of the day, I was hitting things so well that was allowed to participate in a shoot-out for the title of Best Female Shooter, ER Assistants’ Day, 2009 (talk about prestige!).  This time, we had to shoot something called “rabbits”, which are the same color as the pigeons, but roll and bounce along the ground, instead of flying through the air. To makes things even more “exciting,” they would send out two rabbits at the same time! I thought for sure I was out of luck. But, well… I’ll let this photo speak for itself:

I don’t mean to brag, but I hit two rabbits with one shell. And that’s coworker Joe with his trophy. He won the title of Best Male Shooter (he’s a male, you see).

So then we (I) went picture crazy. Here’s me with the very knowledgeable and pleasant Dan Reeves:

And here’s me with patient and handsome Walter (please excuse this photo. Shootin’ guns is not a very “breast friendly” sport):

And here is everybody- happy, satisfied, and much more grizzled than we had been just hours before:

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