My name is Liz. I need direction. I overuse commas, my house is a mess, my hair needs a trim and I have no marketable skills: It's fun here, you'll see!

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March 17th, 2009

Spam Asks, I Answer (Part II)

Folks, I’d like to take the time today to answer some of the emails that are sent to my Spam folder. As I explained last time, Spam messages are often just misdirected questions sent by someone who has no one else to turn to. They are so much more than ads for fake Rolex watches and frightfully misspelled testimonials for “enhancements.” So without further delay, we’ll get to our first question:


Lhaylettisj writes:

You are waited super by excitation. Did she invite you to itself home?

Well, Lhaylettisj. No, she didn’t invite me over. But we do have plans to meet up after work at the Tallyrand for grilled cheese sandwiches. Is she really that excited? I’m flattered!


Femer Febello writes:

Subj: How many caan man do?

Like greta. Greta was the woman i belonged to. it does not alter my opinion my purpose. It is finds out about. They were happy living together.

Dear Femer,

Although it was a little cryptic, I think what you are telling me is that you are a dog. And Greta, your owner, has met a human man and is devoting more of her time to him than to you. To answer your question, man can do a lot. He can jump, eat, swim. Man can dance, laugh and juggle. Man can program his graphing calculator to say the word “BUTT” whenever you press the “6” key. But man isn’t a dog. Greta knows that, Femer. Don’t worry.


Brimage Alcocer writes:

Abroad, he distributes an alert, sharpfeatured simian man, with thick an important dinnerparty, and mrs. Rose’s ingenuous cradle.

Hi Brimage. Thanks for writing to warn us about the sharpfeatured simian man. But, he’s only here to invite us to an important dinnerparty. I wouldn’t worry too much about Mrs. Rose, either. Her cradle may be ingenuous, but she’s a wonderful cook. I hope you will consider attending the simian man’s party. I think they’re serving brisket.


I hope this has been helpful, and encouraging to those of us who are so quick to filter our spam messages.

2 comments to Spam Asks, I Answer (Part II)

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