My name is Liz. I need direction. I overuse commas, my house is a mess, my hair needs a trim and I have no marketable skills: It's fun here, you'll see!

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Show Your Love

February 13th, 2009

Hey guess what? I don’t care!

Dear Ladies,

I’d like to celebrate Valentine’s Day one day early with a small piece of advice:

Nobody wants to hear about how amazing your boyfriend is.

Least of all his guy friends. Do you think Spud and Tyler are anxious to hear about the chrysanthemums Kenny got you for the two-year anniversary of the first time he got you chrysanthemums? If you’re nodding your head yes, please ask a close friend to slap you in the mouth- you are incorrect. Rule of thumb: If a story about your boyfriend makes you feel all gushy, shut up.

But Kenny’s not one of those tough guys, you’re probably thinking. He’s a sensitive man, and his friends don’t care.

Um, have you seen Rocky? He makes his living letting burly, undereducated Philidelphians punch him in the eye. But he still goes by that pet shop every day, and tells ridiculously silly jokes just to try and get Adrian to like him. However- and this is key- he doesn’t buy flowers for the guys who punch him the eye. Mr. Balboa knows to keep the macho and sensitive parts of his life separate.

My point is twofold. One: It’s not about upholding a reputation. It’s that you are special to Kenny. If he wrote poems to Spud and Tyler, it may not mean as much to you when he busts out the iambic pentameter on Valentine’s Day. Two, and perhaps more importantly: Unless your life is a movie and available on Netflix, your cute stories about Kenny entertain no one. So, no matter what he does for you tomorrow, please, keep it to yourself.

Happiest of St. Valentine’s Days,


2 comments to Hey guess what? I don’t care!

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