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May 15th, 2008

Let’s Discover!

Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo, the Spanish explorer for which my former elementary school is named, was the first European to navigate the California coast and completely disrupt the Chumash people living there.

So, in the spirit of ol’ Juany, join me, on a voyage of discovery into the cafeteria of Juan Cabrillo Elementary School in Malibu, CA.

First up, on May 7th, we have Brunch For Lunch Day!
Aww. How adorable. When I was in elementary school, that kind of thing was always fun. It was a special occasion, getting to eat French Toast in the middle of the day! On a Wednesday, even!
So that’s pretty exciting for those kids.

But it can’t always be as riveting as hash browns. Sometimes it’s as boring as…

Fairly pathetic. But at least it’s reliable. There are a few things on this menu that I would never let my Hypothetical Son, Trevor, eat.

For instance, the Manager’s Choice (code for: Stuff Left In The District-Funded Industrial Freezer Since Last Semester.)

A thought on which to meditate:
School cafeterias have Managers. Like a McDonald’s. Or a Dress Barn.

Still. At least this is a person hired by a presumably trustworthy Superintendent and has some qualification for making student dining choices.

This on the other hand is just plain frightening. Why are there so many asterisks?!

***Subject to availability.

***May or may not contain asbestos.

***Animal from which ribs originate unknown.

Sorry, Hypothetical Trevor. Mommy’s packing you some fruit snacks and leftover chutney.
Finally, on May 14th, they innocently offer…

Eew. Again with the asterisks. And what the hell is a blaster?
Gastric foreshadowing anyone? I can just see those poor children, opening their fortune cookies and reading, “You will soon make a heavy investment in Immodium.”

Thank god my mother loved me, and made me eat tuna fish sandwiches out of a Minnie Mouse lunch box every day.

4 comments to Let’s Discover!

  • David

    HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Excellent. I hope Trevor grows up to be a healthy strapping young lad.

  • JBF

    Tuna fish every day?! Oh man, now I gotta get myself checked for mercury poisoning.

  • gene taylor

    I think the fat/grease-to-vegetable/fiber-ratio of those meals may lend a clue to the source of childhood obesity.

    But a rib sandwich??!?

    OH, YEAH!

  • Ryter

    Can Trevor come to play with my kiddos?? We are into Ramen noodles in this house. Chicken patties aside, the PE teacher wraps a cafeteria order of fries in napkins and steps on them to show kids in his new classes how much greases squeezes out of the potatos. Got my kiddos off the fry train REAL fast. LOL

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