Although the stories are short and sweet, they could still use a little work. I am prepared to offer certain members of the class (those individuals who I feel would be most responsive) my suggestions.
One day there was a beautiful frog and the frog hopped away to a pond. The frog was hopping on a lily pad and the frog hopped in the pond and ate some flies. It hopped and hopped and never stopped.
By James
Now, I feel you have done an excellent job of utilizing the repetition device. However, rhymes are a little tired, James, and I think you’re better than that.
One day there was a turkey who lived in the forest and she ate some berries. Then she saw a friend and they played together and they ate berries. Now they had to go home, but tomorrow they would still be friends, and they both lived happily ever after.
By Tiana
You’re a smart girl, Tiana, but sometimes, you do just enough to get by. If you would push yourself, you could be an outstanding writer. For instance, could this she-turkey find something to do besides eating berries? Let’s also be aware of our tenses from now on.
99 years ago an ugly fish swam in a dark, deep ocean. Then he saw a ugly mean octopus and the mean ugly octopus ate the ugly fish. The octopus felt bad, because he threw up.
By Corey
Truly a masterpiece. What a dark, twisted yarn you have spun. Rage, disgust, disease-it’s all here. My colleagues feel that your ending could use work, but I say screw ’em! This is a mood piece. Bravo, Corey!
Once upon a time my peacock ate some grass in the wild. A kid tried to pull a feather off the peacock, but he didn’t. The peacock lived happily ever after.
By Jophiel
Jophiel, I feel sorry for you. You’re obviously foreign, and don’t understand how English literature works. What I’m looking for is some more about the battle between Kid and Peacock. How did the peacock thwart the child’s attempt? Were you the child? Give it some thought.
500,000 years ago there was an octopus that lived in a place called Cakeland. An octopus joined him at the delicious, icing ocean. They went out with a cup and scooped up a cup of frosting.
By Morgan
Now, when I first read this story I thought it was a blatent case of trying to one-up Corey. I soon realized how wrong I was. You have your own brand of genius, Morgan. You challenge Darwin’s theory of evolution by suggesting that Octopi could exist a half a million years ago! And Cakeland? Truly inspired. Professors Ciniglio and Devine and I would very much like to hear more about this Cakeland.
Once on a dark night a bear went in a castle. He finds a treasure box. He took it to his house. He was so happy. They lived happy every after.
By Jesus
I… I can’t… how?… *sigh* I guess I just expected more out of JESUS, for Pete’s sake. Clearly our Savior has a little trouble with tenses, and with keeping track of HOW MANY BEARS ARE IN THE STORY.
Once upon a time there was a stinky mouse. My mouse ate the garbage in the can. Finally the mouse threw up.
By Fadumo
Really? Really? You’re going to plagerize Corey? Vomit was his finale. If this were a university, you’d be out on your ass, Fadumo.
A long, long time ago Jesus was born and a jaguar was so bad. It scratched meat. It was a rabbit that it killed. He gave the rabbit to Jesus.
By Landon
Excellent use of Biblical symbolism. Too bad the jaguar didn’t give Jesus some writing talent!
85 years ago a king cobra lived in a dangerous, tropical jungle. After a while the king cobra hunted for lots and lots of meat. The king cobra ate meat for the rest of his life.
By Ryan D.
What a sad, sad tale. Oh, Ryan! The lonely king cobra and his meat pile! It kept me up all last night- what a haunting image. You have a gift, my friend.
Once upon a time there was a beautiful butterfly that lived in a backyard. When my butterfly was in the backyard she saw ten beautiful flowers and then she flew and drinked nectar. When the butterfly was drinking nectar a person came out. When Betty saw the butterfly she took a net to catch the butterfly for a pet.
By Kim
Holy crap, Kim, what is going on here? Do you want to talk about it?
A long time ago a disgusting fox lived in the forest. The fox tried to eat Corey’’s fish, but
the fish swam away. The fox was sad.
By Jason
What I am seeing here is a little boy with self esteem issues. Perhaps you should contact Corey and talk to him about why you feel so inferior to him, and why you feel his writing is so much better than yours.
Those are only some of the works from this class. You may subject yourself to further stories, or view the LeafArt here: http://www.moreland.k12.ca.us/Baker/class/pavlos/leaf/leaf.html
