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My name is Liz. I need direction. I overuse commas. My house is a mess, my hair needs a trim, and I wish I had a dog: It's fun here, you'll see!
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What I Did Last Weekend: A Word Cloud
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November 3rd, 2009
The winner of the October, 2009 edition of Word O’ The Month is… Hartwick Hanson! His definition of the word volzwier (VUHLS-wee-ehr) is:
(noun) A large undead predatory bird constructed of ancient reanimated bones with massive Zweihänders for wings. “Ach! Hans! Run! It’s a Volzweir!
Congratulations, Hartwick! You’ve won a piece of cake! The other definitions, all fantastic, were:
Steve Cole: (noun) An unsightly growth or blemish. (from the german — Volk or volz = persons or folks + wier = weird shit) Every time Liz saw a close-up of Russell Crowe, she felt compelled to remove that little volzwier on his forehead with a melon baller.
Chris Bulock: (noun) Undoubtedly the name of a character in Pokemon Magnesium, or whatever the hell they’re going to call the next one. Game Developer 1: Dear God, I’m tired of designing these little pieces of shit. Game Developer 2: Yeah, let’s name this little blob Volzwier and call it a night.
David Malloy: (noun) The main character in the little known Shakespeare play “Volzwier And The Christmas Goose”. A sentence of stage direction from the original play: Volzwier leaps upon the counter thrusting the goose towards the heavens and bites the motionless bird deeply in it’s aft portion, feathers and all.
And now, as it is November, we’ve got a new word, in desperate need of a definition:
chritvath (kr-it-vah-th)
What are you waiting for? Gimme a definition! Send your submissions to liz@theproductivecough.com by noon pacific time on Monday, December 7th. And as always, BONUS POINTS FOR USING IT IN A SENTENCE!
New to Word o’ the Month? Welcome! To play, simply send me your made-up definition for this week’s word. If you use it in a sentence, Feldman and I will give you extra-credit! Thanks for playing!
October 6th, 2009
Greetings! And welcome to the newly retitled Word O’ the Month. As part of the new game, I’ve eliminated parts of speech, which means that you can define any of the words as nouns, adjectives, verbs, adverbs, and all those other ones that I forget. So, let’s get started!
Our 9th word is…
volzwier (VUHLS-wee-ehr)
Send in a definition, why don’t you? You’ve got a whole month to be brilliant-send your submissions to liz@theproductivecough.com by noon pacific time on Monday, November 2nd. And as always, BONUS POINTS FOR USING IT IN A SENTENCE!
New to Word o’ the Month? Welcome! To play, simply send me your made-up definition for this week’s word. If you use it in a sentence, Feldman and I will give you extra-credit! Thanks for playing!
September 24th, 2009
AND THE WINNER IS… DR. MARK BROWN! His entry for the word sleftweep was:
(noun) A stinging left-handed slap to the face. She was crying hysterically so I gave her a quick sleftweep.
Great job, Doctor! For your prize, I will pop on over to the hospital and take care of all the people you don’t want to deal with! (Feldman has also made me promise that I will give Heidi Montag a sleftweep if I ever see her in public, compliments of Mark Brown, MD. I have agreed.)
This week’s entries were:
David Malloy: (verb) To cry while sleeping. Joanie was so torn up over her breakup with Gator that even the neighbors could hear her sleftweep the first few nights.
Mark Brown, MD: (noun) A stinging left-handed slap to the face. She was crying hysterically so I gave her a quick sleftweep.
Steve Cole, MD: (noun)Irritation or despair in the success of others. The opposite of Schadenfreude (german noun — A malicious delight in the bad luck of others). Karl was engulfed in a wave of sleftweep as Heinz accepted this year’s chemistry award.
And now, an announcement! Feldman and I, being the delicate creatures we are, have decided we only have it in us to do one of these contests a month. Therefore, Word o’ The Week is becoming Word o’ The Month! The first Monday of each month, the winner will be announced and the new word will be decided. So check back here on October 5th for the next word. Until then, we’ll take a one week hiatus!
Thank you to every one who plays regularly!
September 11th, 2009
And the winner of the 7th Edition of Word o’ the Week is… MY DAD, Steve Cole! His entry for the word crivled (adj) was:
Feckless, and diminutive. Weak. By comparison to Superman’s ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound, Kenny’s super-power, the ability to remove splinters at great distances, seemed somewhat crivled.
Congratulations, father! For your prize, I will pay you back all of the money that you’ve spent on me so far in my 25 years of existance (excludes ages 8-24).
This week, though, there is another word that we need to define. It’s…
sleftweep (sl-EFT-weep)
***You may have noticed that there is no part of speech (noun, adjective, verb)- that’s because it’s YOUR CHOICE! That’s right, SLEFTWEEP can be ANYTHING! So, send in your definitions! Send your submissions to liz@theproductivecough.com by noon Pacific Time on Thursday, September 17th. And of course, BONUS POINTS FOR USING IT IN A SENTENCE!
******
First time? Welcome! To play, simply send me your made-up definition for this week’s word. If you use it in a sentence, Feldman and I will give you extra-credit! Thanks for playing!
September 3rd, 2009
I’m leaving this week’s word up for one more go-round, because I think it’s particularly beautiful. Ready? Here it is:
crivled(KRIV-uld) adjective
Send me your definitions! Send your submissions to liz@theproductivecough.com by noon Pacific Time on Thursday, September 10th. And of course, BONUS POINTS FOR USING IT IN A SENTENCE!
******
First time? Welcome! To play, simply send me your made-up definition for this week’s word. If you use it in a sentence, Feldman and I will give you extra-credit! Thanks for playing!
This week’s entries were:
Steven Cole: Feckless, and diminutive. Weak. By comparison to Superman’s ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound, Kenny’s super-power, the ability to remove splinters at great distances, seemed somewhat crivled.
David Malloy: Deeply wrinkled and creviced due to years of cigarette puffing. One day I hope to laugh at Gweneth Paltrow’s haggard and crivled mouth hole.
Chris Bulock: Characterized by an imbalance of the humors, with an overabundance of the crivle humor. Phillip was diagnosed with leukemia, but sought a second opinion from his barber, who pronounced Philip crivled.
Paul Malewitz: To be defaced, obliterated, or eroded away due to direct contact with a children’s coloring utensil. The dead man’s crivled face, served as a brick-red warning to discourage further espionage attempts at the Walbeck Crayon Company.
David Kipper: Applies to a booger that is slightly smashed at one end with a softness that makes it easy to roll up and fling at your loved ones; attributed to the ancient Romans, who found the pattern of boogers to be fascinating, and made the discovery that no two are alike in shape. He found the crivled bugger hanging from his nostril after a pleasant sneeze and, to his delight, prepared it gently and flung it at her hairy face.
August 27th, 2009
And last week’s winner is… Chris Bulock! His entry for the word crowtsin (adj) was:
Used to describe a woman above the age of 37, clad in a drab sweater, living in a dusty apartment, with a penchant for weak tea and a love of botanical book illustrations. The minister was not surprised to find that only a few members of the local garden club had shown up to the funeral of Ms. Judith Splurt, a most crowtsin woman.
Congratulations, man! Your prize this week is… anything you want from my freezer. I have many exciting options, including Otter Pops in a variety of flavors, old almonds, and one (1) fudgesicle that bought when I moved into my place two years ago.
And let’s not forget this week’s word that so desperately needs defining. It’s…
crivled(KRIV-uld) adjective
Bring on the definitions! Send your submissions to liz@theproductivecough.com by noon Pacific Time on Thursday, September 3rd. And of course, BONUS POINTS FOR USING IT IN A SENTENCE!
******
First time? Welcome! To play, simply send me your made-up definition for this week’s word. If you use it in a sentence, Feldman and I will give you extra-credit! Thanks for playing!
August 20th, 2009
And last week’s winner is… Yost! His entry for the word mauliochness (noun) was:
A Swongzee-Tibetan word for manliness. Shen Zu thought that the monk’s charisma while decapitating enemies during battle epitomized the culture’s mauliochness.
Congratulations, Yost! Your prize this week is… a haiku, written by Feldman! (We’ll get that to you later on today or first thing tomorrow!)
And of course, we’ve got another word that needs some defining. It’s:
crowtsin (KRAUT-sin) adjective
Bring on the definitions! Send your submissions to liz@theproductivecough.com by noon Pacific Time on Thursday, August 27th. And of course, BONUS POINTS FOR USING IT IN A SENTENCE!
******
First time? Welcome! To play, simply send me your made-up definition for this week’s word. If you use it in a sentence, Feldman and I will give you extra-credit! Thanks for playing!
Here are this week’s entries:
Yost: a word often used in the polish language to describe something as bad or Nazi-like. Johan thought Blarth’s crowtsin hat made him look fat around the ear lobes.
Chris Bulock: Used to describe a woman above the age of 37, clad in a drab sweater, living in a dusty apartment, with a penchant for weak tea and a love of botanical book illustrations. The minister was not surprised to find that only a few members of the local garden club had shown up to the funeral of Ms. Judith Splurt, a most crowtsin woman.
David Malloy: Massive, oversized, comical. The King was amused by the way Lord Gilgot wobbled about under the Blacksmith’s crowtsin hammer during the pherret smash at the Fair.
Jody Feder: The new “bitchin”. Popular in eastern european cultures used to describe something that is pretty flippin cool. Did you see that crowstin _____?!
August 13th, 2009
And last week’s winner is…Josh Levitan! His entry for the word Fenty (adj) was:
The combination of nausea and constipation one gets, particularly after eating cheap Thai food. The Beef Masaman was delicious, but left Roget cramped and fenty for days.
Congratulations, Josh! Your prize this week is some Zantac, to help you out on those fenty days.
But really, we all win! Because, we have another word. This time it’s:
mauliochness (maw-lee-AWK-ness) noun
Get to definin’! Send your submissions to liz@theproductivecough.com by noon Pacific Time on Thursday, August 20th. And of course, BONUS POINTS FOR USING IT IN A SENTENCE!
******
First time? Welcome! To play, simply send me your made-up definition for this week’s word. If you use it in a sentence, Feldman and I will give you extra-credit! Thanks for playing!
Here are this week’s entries:
Chris Bulock: A quality pertaining to publicly owned areas that have been named in honor of Native American tribes in a belated and insufficient attempt to apologize for the cruel and systematic slaughter of said tribes. Example: The Wichita, KS city council considered naming the new road Tawehash Highway, but decided against it after the mauliochness of the whole thing had sunk in. (Note: this example is a fabrication)
JJ Geiger: A creature, formerly known as “Loch Ness.” Loch Ness decided to change his name is Mauliochness because he was tired of scaring school children.
Yost: A Swongzee-Tibetan word for manliness. Shen Zu thought that the monk’s charisma while decapitating enemies during battle epitomized the culture’s mauliochness.
Josh Levitan: A bastardization and contraction of Maulik Pancholi, who plays Sanjay on WEEDS and Jonathan on 30 ROCK, generally used to refer to the quality of being a homosexual Indian. Gupta pretended he was heterosexual, but his mauliochness was plain for all to see.
August 6th, 2009
Congratulations to Chris Bulock!! His entry for the word Subchickler (noun) was:
A man who wears a gray uniform and stocks gumball machines near weightwatchers locations with chicklets. Herman often thought of proposing to Sue Ellen, but he knew she would never marry a subchickler.
BUT, I want to give a special Productive Cough shout-out to Gina Barcenilla’s definition for subchickler, which made soda almost come out of my nose: A triumphant baby. Rejoice! A subchickler has appeared!
Chris! You get ANOTHER prize! This week, I won’t hit any of your loved ones with my car, nor will I use someone else’s car to do so. (One of these days, I promise to actually give you a GOOD prize. But right now, the gift of life is all I can afford.)
Oh boy! Another word! This time it’s:
Fenty (FEN-tee) adjective
Let ‘er rip, guys! Send your submissions to liz@theproductivecough.com by noon Pacific Time on Thursday, August 13th. And of course, BONUS POINTS FOR USING IT IN A SENTENCE!
******
First time? Welcome! To play, simply send me your made-up definition for this week’s word. If you use it in a sentence, Feldman and I will give you extra-credit! Thanks for playing!
Here are this week’s entries:
Erick Prinz: 1. Characterized by large pointy creases, often linked with other creases by a cross supporting crease. Joels’ fenty pleats allowed him to blend into the surroundings while standing in front of Mrs. Smithers’ picket fence.
Paul Malewitz: To be fish-like in appearance: having large glassy eyes, a scaled epidermis, or fin shaped appendages. Kyle didn’t care that she was fenty, as she was a fit woman and he’d been alone for a while.
Shawn Carlow: Of or characterized by suspiciously large holes or gaps. So, my husband, it seems your memory always becomes fenty whenever we discuss the past, while mine can pick up even the smallest, most agonizingly minute details. (*Note: the dictionary employee who composed this sentence is clearly going through some issues at home.)
Josh Levitan: The combination of nausea and constipation one gets, particularly after eating cheap Thai food. The Beef Masaman was delicious, but left Roget cramped and fenty for days.
Larry Goldings: Having the taste of a penny. The infant grimaced from the fenty taste of the coin in her mouth.
David Malloy: To be abrupt and dismissive when ordering food. Nadine became fenty with the waiter upon learning the “Fresh Catch O The Day” was scrod.
July 30th, 2009
Congratulations to Paul Malewitz!! His entry for the word lopresinize (verb) was:
To surgically take the presidentialness out of head of state, usually with pliers which enter though the nose. After the former head of state was lopresinized, his speeches were less compelling and he often bled from his ears.
Now then. Let’s talk prizes.
Paul, when you get home, I’ll microwave you a burrito- how’s that sound?
Okay kids, this week’s word is:
Subchickler (SUB-shik-ler) noun
Let ‘er rip, guys! Send your submissions to liz@theproductivecough.com by noon on Thursday, August 6th. And of course, BONUS POINTS FOR USING IT IN A SENTENCE!
******
First time? Welcome! To play, simply send me in your made-up definition for this week’s word. If you use it in a sentence, Feldman and I will give you extra-credit! Thanks for playing!
Here are this week’s entries:
Louis Cole: One of those burps that is silent but makes your forehead wrinkle and your neck compress. They usually happen while you’re talking to somebody, and it makes your voice lower a little bit.
David Malloy: The 2nd level commander on a naval submersible vessel primarily in charge of all female troops.
Jody Feder: One who buys/sells/trades baby chickens for sport.
Josh Levitan: The small bit of skin between one’s little and “ring” toes. When Randolph stepped on the nail, it pierced his subchickler, and he cried out.
Chris Bulock: A man who wears a gray uniform and stocks gumball machines near weightwatchers locations with chicklets. Herman often thought of proposing to Sue Ellen, but he knew she would never marry a subchickler.
Lyn: Often mispronounced – the word is actually ’sub-CHICK-ler’ – a noun meaning the name for a new teenager whose desire for cell phones, cell phone paraphenalia, wide leather belts, zit cream and purple highlights in otherwise gorgeous waist length hair announces the commencement of ‘Chickhood’. Happy Birthday, Nina!
Gina Barcenilla: A triumphant baby. Rejoice! A subchickler has appeared!
Christy Ciniglio: A sound system that can be surgically attached to chickens, so as they run around the music can be shared by all the people on the farm. Isn’t that nice? No, it barely hurts the chickens. Don’t even worry about it. They’re FINE. No, they LIKE it. Really.
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