You’re welcome.
(Courtesy of my cousin, Emily.)

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Two of you asked for it. Now all of you have to hear it. It’s me, singing “Marie” by Randy Newman. The pianist is Randy Porter, an absolutely extraordinary musician based in Portland, Oregon. He was kind enough to record this with me at his studio. Now go, and buy all of Randy’s albums.

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Just checking: You all do realize that, while it’s a terrific song, the lyrics to “I Am Sixteen Going On Seventeen” from The Sound of Music are pretty yucky, right? Rolf tells Liesl all the crap she can expect as she turns a year older. It seems to be presented in a romantic way but, as a human female who has gone from 16 to 17, I can tell you that it’s mostly lies, designed to land him some tail. In case you’ve never realized this, check it out for yourself:

He first states: “You wait, little girl, on an empty stage
For fate to turn the light on
Your life, little girl, is an empty page
That men will want to write on”

Liesl obediently repeats, “To wriiite onnnnn.”

Oh my god. Gross! He’s essentially just told her, “Hey, idiot. You know that last decade and a half of your life? Useless. But, buckle up, sister, ’cause it’s ’bout to be bangin’ time.” And she’s all into it? That’s sick, Hammerstein.

He continues: “You are sixteen going on seventeen
Baby, it’s time to think
Better beware, be canny and careful
Baby, you’re on the brink”

First of all, when I was 16, going on 17, the only things I was on the brink of were having to apply to college, and trying to figure out how to do my own laundry. I don’t know what Rolf thinks Liesl is on the brink of here, but if she’d better be canny and careful, it sounds like he believes that girls who turn 17 are more likely to be the victims of a sexual assault or involved in a murder cover up.

Then: “You are sixteen going on seventeen
Fellows will fall in line
Eager young lads and grueways and cads
Will offer you food and wine”

So that’s a fat lie. If fellows fell in line every time someone turned 17, you’d hear about it on the news a lot more. I think the age he was looking for was 18. ‘Cause that totally happens. I don’t know what a grueway is, but I feel like it might appear in World of Warcraft. Unless it means “an old gross dude,” because that also totally happens. Maybe it’s an Austrian thing, but I was never offered food (or wine) as a result of being 17. If I had been, I think I could have put up with a lot more grueways.

Rolf continues: “Totally unprepared are you
To face a world of men
Timid and shy and scared are you
Of things beyond your ken”

Okay, Rolf, screw you, man. Liesl is 16 going on 17, not 6 going on 7, you jackass. I doubt she’d be scared of things beyond her ken. At this point, though, Rolf is hoping that his rich tenor has lulled her into somewhat of a suggestible state and that maybe he can seal the deal with his next words:

“You need someone older and wiser
Telling you what to do
I am seventeen going on eighteen
I’ll take care of you”

I bet you will, buddy. You know what though, as naive and young as 17 is, I can guaran-frakking-tee you I was never so clueless as to not be able to see through this kind of a line. He’s basically an early adopter of the techniques outlined in Neil Strauss’ The Game. These are light insults and digs designed to get a girl with daddy issues to drop trou. Or petticoat. Whatever. This kind of thing doesn’t really fly, if you think about it. Like, imagine if these sentiments were expressed today in a rap song. “Hey bitch, you super young and all illegal and whatnot, and you kind of stupid, and you ’bout to be all hit on and shit by all them grueways. Yeah. So I’m like, gonna protect you, and we’ll just kinda see what happens. Ha ha, come to daddy.” The FCC would slap some serious warnings on the album, and it would make VH1′s Top 10 Most Awesomely Creepy Songs Of All Time list.

But it’s a great song, though.

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Today’s post will accomplish two things: First, I will try and get you to purchase Louis and Genevieve’s new album. Second, I will post video of my little brother that is labeled as a reason to buy his album but is really just a way for me to show you all HOW FRICKING CUTE HE WAS before he got all tall and masculine and could speak English properly. Let’s get started, shall we?

Guys, let me just say that my brother wasn’t always a musical genius. Case in point:

But as he’s grown older, he’s really become one:

You’ve already bought and enjoyed his first album. Now, he and Genevieve Artadi have released a self-produced album, which you can buy and enjoy here. The songs, all originals, are a healthy mix of funky, beautiful, wild, and delicate. As always, Louis and Genevieve have given us lyrics that, along with complexity, pack a healthy dose of humor.

Which Louis wasn’t very good at when he was a kid, either. Check out his rendition of “Orange You Glad I Didn’t Say Banana.”

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Hey guys! Louis and Genevieve are at it again. This time, it’s a fantastically creative cover of Justin Bieber’s “Baby.” I particularly like the headgear they’ve selected. Enjoy, everyone!

(It does not feature Ludacris, but it does feature editing by me.)

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Louis and Genevieve have done it again! This time it’s their cover of Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida.” Check it out! My favorite part is the very end!

(I edited. Again.)

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Louis and the extremely talented Genevieve Artadi (sorry ladies, they’re dating) recently did a cover of Britney Spears’ “3.” They shot it as a video song, meaning that as each instrument is recorded for the final audio track, the player is visually recorded, so that the resulting music video is an accurate representation of what you are hearing. No lip-syncing, air-guitar, or trickery of any kind.

They really do a great job of punching up this song. In the words of the YouTube User SeanDuncanMusic: “dude louis cole is so legit on the drums.” I agree, Sean. He is so legit. Enjoy:

(*I helped with the editing.)

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Here’s the latest (and pretty much the greatest) from Clown Core. I JUST finished it, and boy, are my eyes tired. Be amazed:

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Yes, kids, it’s another Clown Core Musical Blow Out! This time, their song “Brendan Fraser,” featuring some crazy sax solos from Left Clown, Light Show by Beck Malewitz, and excellent fog machine work by David Malloy. Enjoy!

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Another one from Clown Core! Please be advised that there’s some slightly stronger language in this little ditty. But it’s for a good cause: Clowns! Here is “Surreal Cereal.”

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