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October 21st, 2011

Stickers

As I groggily made my way through the parking lot at work a few mornings ago, I noticed a car covered in Braggy Parent Stickers. You know: “My child is a good citizen at Richards Elementary!” or “Proud parents of the Grover Cleveland Middle School annual Science Fair winner!” or sometimes just “Parent of an Honor Student!” The general idea of these stickers, I gather, is to make the parent appear to have done a fantastic job raising their child.

This particular vehicle had none of the typical stickers, but rather a line of about eight of the same sticker which read, “My Child Has Perfect Attendance at Somethingorother Elementary School!”

Instead of making this parent look like a success, this sticker, unfortunately, just makes the parent seem like a raging attendance tyrant. “Mom, I’m barfing a lot, and I have this gaping head wound.” “Too bad, Janet! You’re going to learn FRACTIONS. Now get in the mini-van before I hit you with this roux whisk!”

I don’t have a way to end this, except to ask: Why aren’t there any really good stickers? You know, ones that say, “My daughter ate 6 quarts of 5-Alarm Chili at the 11th Annual Wilson High Chili Cook-Off!”

3 comments to Stickers

  • Norm

    Speaking from my own experience it’s the kids that want to see those “My kid made the Honor Roll at…” or “Was student of the month at …”. I don’t like stickers on my cars and we managed to make everybody happy by taping them to the inside of the rear window of my wife’s car. After a couple of months the kids didn’t notice when they were gone.

  • Chris

    I agree it’s the kids that want them up there, they’re handed these things at school and it’s like hanging an A+ on the fridge, they want to see that their parents are proud of them.
    But the absolute best bumper sticker I ever saw was “My kid has more chromosones than your honor student!”
    Then in small print it noted the down syndrome awareness club or something. Hardest I ever laughed at a stoplight!

  • Lyn

    And I laughed at the one that said ‘My hockey player can beat the crap out of your Honor Student.’

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