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My name is Liz. I need direction. I overuse commas. My house is a mess, my hair needs a trim and I have no marketable skills: It’s fun here, you’ll see!

Got a question, comment, proposal of marriage? Great! Email me at liz@theproductivecough.com

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Got a question, comment, proposal of marriage? Great! Email me at liz@theproductivecough.com

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June 16th, 2011

Furniture Store Fail

Over hiatus, I cleaned a lot of things. This is not generally my style, so it’s important to note. One of the items I really went to town on was my couch. It’s an Ektorp from IKEA, you see, and therefore the body and all of the cushions have machine-washable covers. All I had to do was peel them off and throw them into the wash and let them air dry for a day and a half. (This went pretty smoothly minus the the six-inch layer of feathers that covered my living room floor when I was finished.)

After I reassembled the Ektorp, I noticed something troubling: Because of the age and quality of the couch, the cushions were beginning to warp, which explained why sitting on it was becoming very uncomfortable. I tried to mash the feathers around in the cushions to plump them back up, but it was no use. Sitting on the Ektorp was causing everyone spinal distress.

So it’s time to purchase a new couch.

Which brings me to the point of this post. I’d looked at IKEA and Living Spaces and all those other places you hear about on talk radio, but I hadn’t really found anything exciting. Then I remembered that my local furniture store was in the middle of a two year-long Going Out of Business Sale, and might have some deals.

This morning I visited their website to check it out. Aside from mentioning nothing about going out of business, its “News!!” section boasted the following headline: “Sept. 13, 2009: Website created!!”

I was then advised by some huge, red letters, to click a link to be redirected to their “main” site.

On that page was a very long spiel about decorating my home with custom end tables or something, I don’t know. I didn’t read it. I clicked on the button that said “Products,” which, by the way, was the LAST option on the menu.

To my delight, I was brought to the page featuring their entire inventory. It looked like this:
Furniture Store Fail

Those pictures aren’t even links to anything. Apparently this furniture store (which is part of a chain) sells THREE ITEMS. Obviously, they haven’t INSERTED THEI R TEXT THERE, but I imagine, once they do, it will be a long, rambling manifesto about conformist minimalism.

I’m almost tempted to order “ITEM #2: COUCH, GREY” just to see what kind of people they have working as delivery individuals.

1 comment to Furniture Store Fail

  • Steve the Cat

    And one of the three items appears to be a door from a medieval church with two over-sized croquet wickets pounded into one side. Put some throw pillows on that sumbitch and you wouldn’t need a couch. A real winner at any price.

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