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My name is Liz. I need direction. I overuse commas. My house is a mess, my hair needs a trim, and I have no marketable skills: It's fun here, you'll see!

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June 22nd, 2011

Chef Liz In: It’s a Gol-Dang Mystery!

Do this: Rate how much you love pudding – any pudding – on a scale from 1-10. If your answer ranked 8 or above, commence weeping! Here comes Noodle Pudding!

Noodle Pudding- Front

This brings up a lot of questions, the first being, “Those white things floating around… are they maybe moths?” and the second being, “Okay, well are they bones then?”

WRONG.

Because guess what? I don’t know WHAT they are. And neither do the good folks at Curtin Publications in New York, I’d wager. Look at the ingredients. Nothing fits!

Noodle Pudding- Back

 

They aren’t golden raisins or cornflakes and they look too rigid to be softened butter particles.

It remains a mystery.

As does the suggested menu. Romaine Salad AND Broccoli? WHAT? That seems like cellulose overkill. Although, to be fair, it might be a preemptive fiber strike, a way to “unstick” the Noodle Pudding before it takes up a permanent residence along your intestinal walls. Also: Why on earth would you ever make anything with a name that even remotely resembled “Prune Whip?” It conjures up images of jars of Miracle Whip (eek) and old women telling their weight loss support groups about the time they ate a whole bag of dried plums without realizing what they were and boy was that a long night.

Another mystery is how it’s only 195 calories a serving with all that butter and sugar. Actually, I think I’ve figured it out. Of the 1,045 calories in a serving, only 195 (on average) are retained by humans. The other 850 either go into the trash compactor or the family dog.

So what do we know about Noodle Pudding? We know that after one hour and twenty minutes, you can serve TWENTY FOUR PEOPLE your heinous creation. (Thoughtful cooks will recognize the need to obtain 24 moths or vole skeletons to prevent fighting among diners.)

And you bet it’s in the “Cook to Freeze” category. Cook it in July, put it out in October! For your son’s Halloween party! “And thiiiiis is the braaaaaain of Old Man Seaaaaamus!” you will be saying, while little Bennett Sherman lifts up his blind fold and ruins it for everyone by saying, “Ew, SICK, it’s Noodle Pudding.” Way to go, Bennett. Thanks.

So maybe Bennett Sherman doesn’t find it mysterious. But I do. That’s probably due in part to my absolute unwillingness to try making it. If you feel like playing Sherlock, though, will you send me a picture? Oh! And let me know how those moths come out.

6 comments to Chef Liz In: It’s a Gol-Dang Mystery!

  • SacredCactusBulock

    Mmmm prune whip.

  • Rat Princess

    Prune Whip is made by elves wearing Wing-DingsĀ® on their heads.

  • Steve the Cat

    I prefer whiskey for pudding

  • Unidentified white objects aside, this doesn’t look so bad. It actually reminds me of the noodle kugel Sarah’s mom used to make, and that was quite tasty.

  • Allegra

    I figured out what the white things are! They are the open side of the chopped pecans! If you look hard enough, they all are roughly the same shape. I think anyway….? :/

  • Gene Taylor

    The white pieces are likely the chopped pecans. If you look closely, you can see the brown edges. One of my uncles had three pecan trees and pecans were used in many dishes when I was growing up.

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