Over the weekend, I had the distinct joy of spending just under an hour at a filthy indoor swap meet on the outskirts of Phoenix. Aside from ceramic lions, knock-off perfume, and dubious-looking “supplements,” the swap meet was home to many dusty, poorly made childrens’ toys. One of my favorites, which I foolishly neglected to photograph, was a small keyboard with an “OFF” switch and a “NO” switch.

As I moved through one of the toy boutiques, looking at off-brand versions of Transformers, with names like “Constructor,” “Shining” and “The Boy Deform,” my eyes moved to higher shelves. This is what I saw:

A slutty dolly with the words “Try Me” written across her chest. Her almost cowering posture and the fact that her eyes appear to be pointing in different directions seem to suggest that she has been recently beaten- probably by the large man with a cigar that she promised to “work” for in return for passage to America.

But wait! She also has a sister:

And SHE has a sister. A tiny, horrifying sister. Whom she seems to be very protective of. I guess when you’re stuck in a box with a floating hairdryer, living in constant fear of your pimp, things can get pretty dangerous.

Look! It appears these three sisters aren’t making the journey alone; they’ve brought a friend with them from their homeland- and she may be the most freakish of them all. May I present to you…

Broke-Neck Barbie!! Be warned: This is what happens when you sass the man who is being kind enough to help you get to the land of freedom.

Welcome to America, girls!

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