My dad should be a film reviewer. He and my mom went out to the movies tonight and when I called them afterward, my dad had quite a lot to say about the preview for the upcoming Sarah Jessica Parker/Hugh Grant movie Did You Hear About The Morgans?

“Oh god, and then we saw this preview for a new romantic comedy starring Hugh Grant and Sea Biscuit,” he said, referring to Sarah Jessica’s equine features. He explained the plot thusly: “They’re these two people, and at some point they go out into the woods and run into  a giant grizzly bear. And they say cute things to it while they’re trying to get away.” He went on to explain that the characters had also been relocated from the city to the country because they were in the witness protection program. I told him it sounded lame. He told me that after the preview was over, the people behind him expressed their desire to see it out loud. “So I told Mom, ‘yeah, they’ll go see it right after they go to Solvang to buy knick-knacks.’”

“Ugh. Those people sound stupid,” I said.

“Yeah,” my dad replied. “They have such terrible taste. They’re the kind of people that love little kitty statues. They’re the kind of people that like to wear big sweatshirts with sparkles and ironed-on pictures of bears.”

Look out, Leonard Maltin.

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