Miffed
This morning, when I got to the pool, several lanes were closed for maintenance, which resulted in us swimmers having to double up in the remaining lanes. I approached a pudgy woman in a black swim cap with white letters that read “ToTaL ChAoS.” She was wearing one of those waterproof iPod deals, too. When she reached the side of the pool, I bent down and said, “Excuse me, do you mind if I share your lane with you?” (Basic Pool Etiquette requires that you ask the person you intend to share with. The only time it is acceptable to just jump in is if they are doing flip turns and have passed you by four or so times without looking up.)
“Fine,” grunted ToTaL ChAoS, “but I get this side.” She hoisted her jellybean-shaped body to the left side of the lane. I’d never experienced that kind of negativity in my happy little swimming utopia before, so, while I was a little taken aback, I also gave her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe her entire family was killed by the right side of a pool lane. I don’t know.
So, we shared our lane for a little while. (And when I say “shared” I mean it was a 60/40 thing. She didn’t seem that scared of the right side after all.) Eventually, the fellow in the lane next to me left, and I scooted over to give ToTaL ChAoS her space. My swim went quietly for several minutes until a lifeguard came over and told the woman two lanes away from me that she had to move since they needed her place for swim lessons. I saw it happening, and ever the good citizen, said, “You can come share with me, if you want to!” When she arrived in my lane, I said “Take whichever side, I’ll be right back, I’m just going to grab my fins.”
Okay, so I shouldn’t have left my fins in the first place. That was my mistake. But I still found it completely inappropriate that when I came back to my lane, ToTaL ChAoS had taken my place. I saw the lifeguard asking her to move, too, and I know she saw me in that lane. And there were two completely empty lanes on the other side of the pool. I was beginning to become displeased. So I waited for her to come back, and dipped my toe in the water so that she knew I was there. When she reached the side, I said, “Excuse me.” But she just turned her back and began to push off the wall. So I said it louder. She turned to me. What I had planned to say was “May I get back in my lane, please?” But I got four words in when she interrupted me with a grunt.
“Three, if you want,” she mumbled. Meaning that we could swim three to a lane, thereby requiring the dreaded Circle Swim. Proper Pool Etiquette dictates that three or more swimmers in a lane swim in a circle-like formation, swimming up the right and down the left sides of the lane, like driving on a city street. The trouble with Circle Swimming is that most often, all swimmers in a lane choose to swim at differing speeds and wind up either having to slow down or wait for another swimmer to complete a lap. It ruins your rhythm, and prevents your cardiovascular system from getting any kind of real workout.
It wasn’t the crowdedness of the lane that really got me angry. It was how passive agressive and pissy this woman seemed to be for no reason at all. We all want to have a nice, uninterrupted workout, ToTaL ChAoS. Sometimes that’s not always possible. It took all of my energy not to just whack her on the head with my kickboard. Instead, I took a deep breath, and went to enjoy one of the empty lanes in the shallow end.
