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My name is Liz. I need direction. I overuse commas. My house is a mess, my hair needs a trim and I have no marketable skills: It’s fun here, you’ll see!

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Got a question, comment, proposal of marriage? Great! Email me at liz@theproductivecough.com

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January 29th, 2009

Health Tips For The Wealthy


I recently came across an article in a popular publication whose headline boasted “secret” health tips from foreign countries. Imagining all kinds of obscure yogic and food-based remedies for common maladies, I proceeded. Unfortunately, the article listed only four, and they were less than earth-shattering.

One suggestion was to drink wine with your pals ala the French. Reasonable, I suppose. Wine’s supposed to be rich in some kind of…thing that’s good for your …whatever. Plus, boozin’ it up with your buddies endorses mental health. Makes sense, in an “I already knew that” kind of way.

Another pointer was to go out for more sushi. Duh, people- fish is healthy for you and it’s instant portion control. It’s also rather pricey. As is the next suggestion- Going on vacation! Bombshell: People who go on vacations live longer than those folks who work 51 weeks a year, leaving their desks only to pee and pilfer cheetos from the break room.

And the final foreign health secret? Have health insurance! Wait wait wait. Do you mean to tell me that people who are able go to a doctor for regular nutsack check ups are likely to be healthier than people who just let their nutsacks go unchecked?!

Sure, health insurance is something my employer fortunately provides, and I do think it’s a great idea. But the rest of it? A more accurate title for this article would have been “Four Ways That People With Money to Burn Can Have More Radiant Skin.” I’d love to discuss my latest proctology appointment while I booze it up over wine and sushi with my friends on a long vacation. But, as is the case with most people, I’ll be in my office, talking about a rash I can’t get diagnosed while I guzzle diet coke and microwave kettle corn.

3 comments to Health Tips For The Wealthy

  • Lyn

    Toss in a hot tub and I am sure we can take care of your rash…or at least spread it around so no one knows you’re the one who has it. And…I am passing through the teachers’ lounge on the way out of the bathroom snitching the frosting off the latest baby shower cake leftovers. At least I am getting my running in!

  • Shawnc

    Ha! They should call this article: “The Four Tips to a Healthier You Article That You Could Have Written Yourself.”

  • Kiddo Carson

    See Liz this is why I skipped working entirely and went straight to retirement. Although the last thing I drank with buddies was a 40oz of something called Big Bear made by our friends at Pabst, which tasted oddly of rubbing alcohol and shredded mini-wheats. Probably not the best health choice. But I am willing to give free nutsack exams for those who are truly in need and free of any open sores.

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